How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing These How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium
In this day in age there are so many way to make money, and as someone who is better than you, I am now ready to share my secret in how I become the first gorillianaire (I am the first man to achieve one gorillain dollars) by making $10,000 a month by only writing these “How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium.” Here are the top 5 obvious and unhelpful ways to help you get on my level, bro.
1) Have your Dad be the CEO of Money
In order to really make it, you need to have a big reach of readers. What better way to reach people than to have your father be the CEO of money!? Certainly with his connections you can pay a lot of money in advertising or hacking to get your “How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing These How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” articles out there! The wealthiest man to ever exist, Jesus of Nazareth, once said, “It cost money to make money, my guy!” and the same can be said for getting people to read these articles! Just have your dad poor in a lot of money into Medium and then the higher ups will have no choice but to constantly promote your shitty articles!
2) Obvious Advice
The first way to make $10,000 a month by only writing “How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing these How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” articles is you have to be able to read and write. With literacy in the United States being at 99% percent, and 100% of other countries not mattering, most people reading this are already halfway there to making $10,000 a month by only writing these “How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” articles. If you can’t read or write, there are many great resources to teach you, such as practicing reading words in great books like the holy text of Scientology, Dianetics. (Please don’t dox me Church of Scientology!) You can also Venmo me some money and I will teach you how to read hella words, such as “recalcitrant.” Most of you reading this right now don’t even know what that word means!
3) Nothing Helpful
The most important thing in writing a “How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing These How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” article is by being absolutely sure to include nothing helpful. Be sure to lead with vague cliché advice, such as “Don’t give up!” and “Keep writing!”, which is literally the writer’s equivalent of a white girl getting an infinity tattoo. If you do in fact include any advice that comes close to being useful, you are sure to fail! To be honest it’s really easy to do this part, here I’ll show you!
“After I graduated from Patriot Bible University (that’s actually a real place) with a degree in English, I worked many jobs that I didn’t enjoy and felt lost in life. Eventually I started writing article after article and when I wanted to quit, I didn’t! Now I’m able to live my dream by writing these articles and balancing my life as a single mother, taking care of my autistic son, Jaxlyn, on a vegan diet and spending half the year in the Maldives. You just have to write a lot and not give up!”
Do you see how easy that was!? Took me 2 minutes to write!
4) Lol I’m Better than You, Bro
The most second most important part in writing a “How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing These How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” article is to be absolutely clear that you are better than the reader. You should flex harder than Kanye West does in his raps, Flex harder than Hulk Hogan when he is “telling you something, brother!,” Flex harder than anyone you know who is from Memphis, flex harder than your local sound cloud rapper. You get the idea. Be sure to include about how you make so much passive income from articles you wrote while in junior high school that you are able to spend 8 months of the year traveling around Europe all while having a vacation home in Seychelles. This part is important! Make it like you’re presenting a classic Anglo-Saxon bēot (boast) ready to defeat any challenger. Fuck it, just have one of your articles start with “I AM SWISGAR, LORD OF THE PASSIVE INCOME! TREMBLE YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR, AS I HAVE COME HERE TO OBLITERATE YOUR TIME BY HAVING YOU CONSUME MY WORTHLESS ARTICLES ABOUT ‘HOW TO MAKE MONEY’ VIA PASSIVE INCOME! YOU WILL READ MY SCAMS OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!”
5) Incoherent and Irrelevant
The last and most important part in writing a “How I Make $10,000 a Month by Only Writing These How I Make $10,000 a Month Articles on Medium” article is to be sure to include a plethora of incoherent and irrelevant information. If you keep the topic too relevant, your readers are sure to lose interest, and if the sentences make too much sense, can you say snooze fest!? Here’s a perfect example I’ll give. Let’s pretend the topic is “How I Make Money by Writing About Chill Ass Lizards.”
Example:
“Lizards are really cool, but when I was in Mozambique with a buck fifty and a turtle cage trying to get the news, a big basketball swooped down and handed me a good book! Brother, let me tell you how fast some trains would go if they could swim! And that is why the Lakers need to trade Rajon Rondo in the offseason if they want to make a run at another championship next year.”
Was that helpful? Hell no! Is that gonna make you a gorillianaire from Medium? Hell yes! Not only was that topic irrelevant and incoherent, but within this actual article itself it was also irrelevant and incoherent! You just got incoherently incepted dear reader, and that is why cats and dogs will never get along, because cats view time as crono-linear, whereas dogs view time as crono-circular. BOOM! I just did it again, homie; incoherent and irrelevant information — the perfect way to conclude this article.
Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.
